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Grandpa Pencil
writes some
Australian Fairy Tales


The Moral: The cock crows on his own dung heap.

Relative Security

Once upon a time in The Great South Land Little Goody Tooshooz threw her handbag across the Lair, fell to the floor, kicked her little feet and yelled "It's not fair."

Just a short distance from the Lair was the most historic cemetery in the land.

More than two hundred years old, it housed the country's most famous ex-citizens.

Over the years it had been badly neglected and was a real mess, so Little Goody Tooshooz demanded that the Wolves spend some of their gold to fix it up.

Overlooking the beauty of The Sea of The Great South Land, the cemetery stood on the finest piece of land in the country and the Big Bad Wolf was most embarrassed that he had forgotten all about it.

He was now determined to address his neglect, however.

The Big Bad Wolf summoned the creatures of The Great South Land together, spread around absolute truckloads of "Magic Bulldust" and declared that the Historic Cemetery was to be transformed into a glorious monument to the country's pioneers.

Advertisements were placed in all of the newspapers in the land offering special payments to the relatives of the cemetery's residents to ease their pain during the transition.

Other things were more important, though and when the time to claim had passed none of the creatures had really noticed, so the Wolves got all the plots for nothing.

The headstones were gently removed and stored in an enormous warehouse as work went ahead on the monument.

The Big Bad Wolf thought it was sad that, while the dead had this beautiful view and the constant sea breeze, the poor were stuck in really small, hot hovels miles away from anything.

This was all to change soon.

In keeping with modern architecture, the site quickly bloomed into a cluster of beige, boring, sixty-six story luxury apartment blocks in the shape of giant headstones.

On the ground floor of each was a boutique, a bar, a pizza parlour and a weight loss salon.

The project was named 'The Big Bad Wolf Luxury Memorial Pioneer Housing and Retail Village' and the Wolves soon had to build a brand new place to keep all of the gold that the rich threw at them for a place in the sun on this grand new estate.

Little Goody Tooshooz chucked an amazing tantrum, screaming that it is immoral to keep such historic items as the headstones locked away from the creatures and The Big Bad Wolf agreed.

The resulting auction brought the Wolves even more gold and to this day the headstones share The Great South Land with a zillion grotesque, colourful concrete garden gnomes.

Robin A Cartledge 2003


'A World of Trivia', 'Dear Grandpa Pencil' and 'A Cheapskate's Guide to Exploring Tasmania By Car'
with Google Custom Search

Published by Robin A Cartledge ~ ABN 19 924 273 138 ~ Low Head, Tasmania ~ Contact/Comment