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Grandpa Pencil
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Australian Fairy Tales


The Moral: Just one thermonuclear device can ruin your entire day. 

The Cane Toads

Once upon a time in The Great South Land the Big Bad Wolf invited a bunch of Cane Toads to his country to do some of the work that the creatures already there would not do.

The Cane Toads liked living in The Great South Land, but soon found out why no-one else would do the jobs and quickly wandered off to seek their fortune elsewhere.

The Cane Toads certainly weren't the most attractive creatures on earth.

They had no hair and one got the feeling that they had all had their brains removed before arriving in the country.

They were mean little suckers and enjoyed nothing more than picking on the other creatures.

As a result most of them decided that it would be fun to join the Great South Land Police Force.

The Toads couldn't remember their names, much less write them, so they could not pass the entry test and were left almost totally unemployable.

For ages now Little Goody Tooshooz had been chucking tantrums and yelling because she thought the Wolves should spend more of their gold to cut down crime and build up the police force and for some strange reason, the creatures were actually listening to her.

The Big Bad Wolf was terribly careful with his gold and very worried that the Cane Toads were going to cost even more in scraps than was already being used on the sheep.

After loads of figuring and doodling and thinking he worked out how to save a bit of gold and stop Little Goody Tooshooz from causing trouble in The Great South Land.

The Big Bad Wolf summoned the creatures together, sprayed around heaps of 'Magic Bulldust' and announced that he would put an end to crime and it would cost the creatures "Just a little bit more gold."

A special law was soon passed by the Wolves allowing the Toads to work as private police and because they were so stupid, the Toads did not have to worry about the law.

They were employed by the bars, cinemas, shops and banks of The Great South Land at no cost to the Wolves and the Big Bad Wolf was able to dramatically cut back on his police force saving wheelbarrow loads of gold.

Addressing the Lair some time later, the Big Bad Wolf said that The Great South Land police must be lazy because the Cane Toads were thumping hundreds of creatures every day and the police were thumping none.

He added that, because of this laziness, he hadn't really known the full extent of crime in the country until he passed his brilliant law.

The Great South Land Police Force was disbanded and official records proudly note that there is no longer any 'recorded' crime in the country.

Robin A Cartledge 2003

'A World of Trivia', 'Dear Grandpa Pencil' and 'A Cheapskate's Guide to Exploring Tasmania By Car'
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Published by Robin A Cartledge ~ ABN 19 924 273 138 ~ Low Head, Tasmania ~ Contact/Comment