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Grandpa Pencil
finds some
Really Silly Riddles and Jokes


Hi! Wow! Do I have some really silly new riddles for you below. You will be able to drive the rellies really nuts with them.

I had a lot of fun collecting these bits and hope you enjoy telling them to your friends (and rellies). Will see you again soon I hope,

  • What is lighter than a feather yet harder to hold?
    Your breath
  • How can you have a set of teeth inserted free?
    Annoy the dog
  • Which bird lifts the heaviest weights?
    A crane
  • What table has no legs?
    A timetable
  • What is bought by the yard and worn by the foot?
  • Why is a hen sitting on a fence like a cent?
    It has it's head on one side and it's tail on the other
  • What kind of coat do you put on wet and has no buttons?
    A coat of paint
  • What is a pig after it is three days old ?
    Four days old
  • What is the hardest thing about riding a skateboard?
    The Road
  • Which letter is never found in the alphabet?
    The one you just posted
  • Why is the Statue of Liberty's finger eleven inches long?
    Because if it was twelve inches it would be a foot
  • Spell enemy in three letters?
  • Why does a steam train never sit down?
    Because it has a tender behind
  • Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?
    Because turtles have such little ears.
  • How do you stop an elephant from charging?
    Take away his credit card
  • What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
  •  What is an 11 letter word everyone pronounces incorrectly?
  •  What's in the middle of a jellyfish?
    A Jellybutton.
  • How do you know that an Elephant has been in your refrigerator?
    There's foot prints in the butter.
  • What do you call a fly without wings?
    A Walk.
  • When is a door not a door?
    When it's Ajar.
  • What's big white and fluffy and beats its chest?
    A Meringue-utan
  • Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
    So he would be Polyunsaturated.

  • What did the fly say when it hit the window?
    If I had the guts I'd do that again.
  • Why is a pig in the house like a fire?
    The quicker you put it out the better
  • What should you keep after giving it to someone else?
    Your word
  • What's smaller than an ants mouth?
    Anything it puts in it
  • What do we have in December that we don't have in any other month?
    The letter D
  • What international catastrophe would be caused by dropping a platter at Thanksgiving?
    It would be the downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China
  • What can speak every single language?
    An echo
  • What do you have to do to have soft hands?
  • To what man do men always take off their hats?
    The barber
  • Where are happiness and contentment always found?
    In the dictionary
  • What time is it when the clock strikes thirteen?
    Time to get a new clock
  • If two's company and three is a crowd what is four and five?
  • Why did the moron go to the football game?
    He thought the quarterback was a refund
  • What has four eyes and runs for more than 2000 miles?
    The Mississippi
  • Which bird can lift the heaviest weight?
    The crane
  • When is a black dog most likely to come into the house?
    When the door is open
  • If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
  • What two things that Adam never possessed did he give to his children?
  • Why do elephants never forget?
    Because nobody ever tells them anything
  • What do you call a pig with three eyes?
    A Piiig
  • What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
    Anything you like, it can't hear you.
  • Can you telephone from the space shuttle?
    Of course, the phone's the one with the long chord.
  • How do you fit four Elephants in a Sports?

    Two in the front and two in the back.
  • How do you talk to a Giant?
    You use Big Words.
  • Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race ?
    It ended in a Tie.
  • Why is O the loudest vowel?
    All the others are in audible
  • Which question can never be answered with "Yes"?
    Are you asleep?

  • Is there an English word that contains all of the vowels?
    Yes, unquestionably
  • Which two things that Adam never possessed did he give to his children?
  • What is the best butter?
    A goat
  • What has three feet but can't walk?
    A yard
  • Why is the letter B like fire?
    It makes oil boil
  • What is the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole?
    All the difference in the world
  • Which animals have their eyes closest together?
    The smallest ones
  • What has three feet but can't walk?
    A yard
  • What word will make you sick if you take away the first letter?
  • If your uncle's sister is not your aunt what relation is she?
    Your Mother
  • What do giraffes have that no other animals have?
    Baby giraffes.
  • What did the Platypus say when she bought a lipstick?
    Put it on my bill.
  • What is lighter than a feather yet harder to hold?
    Your breath
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    No idea.
  • How can you make seven even?
    Remove the "S".
  • What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
    Any dog, buildings can't jump.
  • How can you tell that there are four Elephants in your refrigerator?
    There's a Sports Car parked out front.
  • What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Computer?
    A two tonne Know it All.
  • Where do Rabbits go when they get married?
    On their Bunnymoon.
  • How do porcupines play leapfrog?
    Very Carefully.
  • Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
    'Cause they have fat fingers.

'A World of Trivia', 'Dear Grandpa Pencil' and 'A Cheapskate's Guide to Exploring Tasmania By Car'
with Google Custom Search

Published by Robin A Cartledge ~ ABN 19 924 273 138 ~ Low Head, Tasmania ~ Contact/Comment