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Grandpa Pencil
finds some
Really Silly Riddles and Jokes


 


Hi! Wow! Do I have some really silly new riddles for you below. You will be able to drive the rellies really nuts with them.

I had a lot of fun collecting these bits and hope you enjoy telling them to your friends (and rellies). Will see you again soon I hope,

  • What is lighter than a feather yet harder to hold?
    Your breath
  • How can you have a set of teeth inserted free?
    Annoy the dog
  • Which bird lifts the heaviest weights?
    A crane
  • What table has no legs?
    A timetable
  • What is bought by the yard and worn by the foot?
    Carpet
  • Why is a hen sitting on a fence like a cent?
    It has it's head on one side and it's tail on the other
  • What kind of coat do you put on wet and has no buttons?
    A coat of paint
  • What is a pig after it is three days old ?
    Four days old
  • What is the hardest thing about riding a skateboard?
    The Road
  • Which letter is never found in the alphabet?
    The one you just posted
  • Why is the Statue of Liberty's finger eleven inches long?
    Because if it was twelve inches it would be a foot
  • Spell enemy in three letters?
    Foe
  • Why does a steam train never sit down?
    Because it has a tender behind
  • Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?
    Because turtles have such little ears.
  • How do you stop an elephant from charging?
    Take away his credit card
  • What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
    Lost.
  •  What is an 11 letter word everyone pronounces incorrectly?
    Incorrectly.
  •  What's in the middle of a jellyfish?
    A Jellybutton.
  • How do you know that an Elephant has been in your refrigerator?
    There's foot prints in the butter.
  • What do you call a fly without wings?
    A Walk.
  • When is a door not a door?
    When it's Ajar.
  • What's big white and fluffy and beats its chest?
    A Meringue-utan
  • Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
    So he would be Polyunsaturated.

  • What did the fly say when it hit the window?
    If I had the guts I'd do that again.
  • Why is a pig in the house like a fire?
    The quicker you put it out the better
  • What should you keep after giving it to someone else?
    Your word
  • What's smaller than an ants mouth?
    Anything it puts in it
  • What do we have in December that we don't have in any other month?
    The letter D
  • What international catastrophe would be caused by dropping a platter at Thanksgiving?
    It would be the downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China
  • What can speak every single language?
    An echo
  • What do you have to do to have soft hands?
    Nothing
  • To what man do men always take off their hats?
    The barber
  • Where are happiness and contentment always found?
    In the dictionary
  • What time is it when the clock strikes thirteen?
    Time to get a new clock
  • If two's company and three is a crowd what is four and five?
    Nine
  • Why did the moron go to the football game?
    He thought the quarterback was a refund
  • What has four eyes and runs for more than 2000 miles?
    The Mississippi
  • Which bird can lift the heaviest weight?
    The crane
  • When is a black dog most likely to come into the house?
    When the door is open
  • If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
    Pilgrims.
  • What two things that Adam never possessed did he give to his children?
    Parents
  • Why do elephants never forget?
    Because nobody ever tells them anything
  • What do you call a pig with three eyes?
    A Piiig
  • What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
    Anything you like, it can't hear you.
  • Can you telephone from the space shuttle?
    Of course, the phone's the one with the long chord.
  • How do you fit four Elephants in a Sports?
    Car

    Two in the front and two in the back.
  • How do you talk to a Giant?
    You use Big Words.
  • Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race ?
    It ended in a Tie.
  • Why is O the loudest vowel?
    All the others are in audible
  • Which question can never be answered with "Yes"?
    Are you asleep?

  • Is there an English word that contains all of the vowels?
    Yes, unquestionably
  • Which two things that Adam never possessed did he give to his children?
    Parents
  • What is the best butter?
    A goat
  • What has three feet but can't walk?
    A yard
  • Why is the letter B like fire?
    It makes oil boil
  • What is the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole?
    All the difference in the world
  • Which animals have their eyes closest together?
    The smallest ones
  • What has three feet but can't walk?
    A yard
  • What word will make you sick if you take away the first letter?
    Music
  • If your uncle's sister is not your aunt what relation is she?
    Your Mother
  • What do giraffes have that no other animals have?
    Baby giraffes.
  • What did the Platypus say when she bought a lipstick?
    Put it on my bill.
  • What is lighter than a feather yet harder to hold?
    Your breath
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    No idea.
  • How can you make seven even?
    Remove the "S".
  • What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
    Any dog, buildings can't jump.
  • How can you tell that there are four Elephants in your refrigerator?
    There's a Sports Car parked out front.
  • What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Computer?
    A two tonne Know it All.
  • Where do Rabbits go when they get married?
    On their Bunnymoon.
  • How do porcupines play leapfrog?
    Very Carefully.
  • Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
    'Cause they have fat fingers.

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Published by Robin A Cartledge ~ ABN 19 924 273 138 ~ Low Head, Tasmania ~ Contact/Comment